Bukele, IKEA
EL Salvador’s President Nayib Bukele’s Terrorism Confinment Centers were flagged recently as potential sites for American prisoner deportees.
The 100 million US-dollar CECOT prison has capacity for 40,000 prisoners and was under half this capacity in 2024.
The prison is based off a mass-shelving system adapted from IKEA’s HYLLIS product (Figure I). These HYLLIS function as beds and living rooms (Figure I & Figure II).
CECOT prisoners were originally expected to assemble their own shelves as per the HYLLIS instructions, but the necessity of screwdrivers for self-assembly, and the weight of prisoners on the up-scaled HYLLIS, led to pre-fabrication and the welding of joints.
People are often unaware—though unsurprised to learn—that IKEA’s founder Ingvar Kamprad was a Nazi. When Hitler died he re-invested his efforts in IKEA.
The IKEAfied offshoring of imprisonment may well become bipartisan policy, with political difference defined only by reference to criminals as law non-conforming peoples on one hand and as slime on the other. The secret mission of SpaceX is to send Latinx people to the prison planet of Mars, where solitary confinement occurs in IKEA ball pits.
Now that prisoners are being sent to live in IKEA, American high school textbooks are being re-written by tankies, on Marco Rubio’s orders, to say that gulags weren’t that bad.
Nayib Bukele’s first big break came from playing guitar-player Zack Mooneyham in 2003’s School of Rock (Figure III). He was arrested in Florida in 2019—the same year he became President of El Salvador—for stealing guitars under the nom-de-plume “Joey Gaydos Jr.”
Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zoey Deschanel are set to play Nayib Bukele and wife Gabriela Rodríguez de Bukele in an AI/Lin-Manuel Miranda-generated musical biopic funded by Nazi gold hoarded by the great grand-children of Ingvar Kamprad’s Svensk Socialistisk Samling party (Figure IV & Figure V).
